You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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