he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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