I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
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closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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