The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
