well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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