Someone shit on the floor
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
