My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize