Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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