Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
