could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
