Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
