I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
