dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
