I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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