before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
