He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
