I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
