it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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