don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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