why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
