Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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