I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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