Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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