Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm really busy with my period
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