I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize