so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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