her vagine was all disorganized.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
