She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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