What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
