if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
