He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
