So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
