Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
