i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
