it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He kissed a someone with a penis
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Randomize
