When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
