another moral hangover. fuck.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
