I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
