I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
