there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
