someone threw a dead crab at me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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