I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
