Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
