That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
