Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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