I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
