Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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