Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
