Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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