I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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