Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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