the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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