he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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