You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
