so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
