i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
