Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
