I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
