saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize