you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
